Monday, October 1, 2007

A Hard Day

Today, Blair left for Minot, ND. I was ok getting ready to go and on the way to the airport. And standing in the line to buy his ticket I was only a little weepy. But boy, did the dam of tears break loose when it was time to say goodbye. I had been trying to be strong; let him see that I'm tough and have the grit it takes to be a military wife, but I couldn't hold back any more when its time for the last hug, last kiss for two, maybe three months. As I stood there sobbing on his shoulder, he just held me. It was just what I needed. His last words before leaving were "I love you, I'll see you in a couple weeks." Oh, if only it were a couple weeks. So I left him grudgingly at the airport to cry myself home and to sleep.
But I can do this, I can make it through this...This is what I tell myself. I keep a litany of my pros running through my head. I have family, friends, and work, lots of work. Today I kept busy. I hung out with a friend, Anna, went to a great get together at Laura's house, and it was ok. But now, as I sit here in our bed, alone, I really miss him. I miss his snore, yes, I said snore. I miss the way his chest feels under my hand. I miss the cute little gleam in his eye he gets just before pounces to tickle me. I just miss my Blair. He is my rock. He is my love, my soul mate.
But I can do this, I can make it through this. I knew when I married him that this day would come, I'd just hoped a little later than sooner. I tell myself to be strong and brave and not to make this harder for him, he's the one leaving. But it's hard being left behind.
In all of this, in all my sadness that my husband of four months tomorrow is thousands of miles away, I am still grateful. Grateful that he's not being sent to Iraq. Grateful that he won't be in imminent danger. Grateful that he's only states away, instead of countries. Grateful that we'll be able to talk everyday. Grateful I will be able to go see him. Grateful that I have family and friends near. Grateful because I know God will bring us through this and we'll be stronger for it. Grateful Blair is able to serve to his fullest capacity. Grateful he is my husband, a man who won't shirk his duty when called on. I am grateful for Blair.
But I can do this, I will make it though this, to the end, and I will rejoice when the end of our seperation is here. The journey to the end; however, will be difficult.
I know I am not alone. I have God on my side. Also, there are many wives who don't know where their husbands are, if they are alive, if they are eating more than once a day, if they will come home at the end of their deployment walking or with a flag over their left shoulder. I take courage from all the military wives before me who are strong for their men, who hold everything together and make life easy for him while he serves our country and it's people proudly. Though I am sad he's gone, I am proud of him. When asked, "Who will go?" my husband replied, "Here am I, I will go," just as we are all supposed to do. He displayed a willingness to give of himself not oft seen. He is my hero. I will miss him every day, every hour, minute, second he is gone.
But I can do this, I can make it through this, I have to, for him...

5 comments:

destiny said...

I got a little teary reading this, Laura. I know you will pull through and your relationship will grow stronger through this separation. (I know that doesn't make easier for now!) I will pray for you and for his safety. We just need to have some girls nights in the near future!!!

Life as Connor's Mom said...

I had a lump in my throat the whole time reading this. I admire military wives b/c I hate it when Eddie has to be gone one night much less months and years at a time. We will be praying for you and Blair during this time. We are always here for you if you need anything.
Welcome to the wonderful world of blogging!!!!

Ashlie said...

My Sissy! I had tears in my eyes the whole time I was reading this post. You're a great writer and I'm so excited you've started a blog! Blair will be back before tool long & I plan on keeping you plenty busy! I love you, Sis!

Shelly said...

Sweet Laura, You are an amazing woman!!! You are finding out what it means to stand by your man...for better or for worse. You are doing it with such grace, finese and heart. Blair must be so very proud of you....I know I am. You are both in my prayers.
Love, Aunt Shelly

Laura said...

Yep, the lump is in my throat! I know you will get thru this, but of course it can't be easy. I'm so glad you & Ashlie stayed at my house after PEP so that we could talk. Even if it was late, I had a really great time talking to both of you. Don't forget that you have friends & family here for you!!